Nevyřešené věci

Na téma nevyřešených věcí mě přivedla diskuze s kamarádkami. No… diskuze. Jsme parta 5 kamarádek, které se znají od střední a máme se moc rády, i když to z článku tak nevypadá. Každá bydlíme jinde, stovky kilometrů od sebe, některé už mají děti a tak se úplně všechny dohromady nevidíme častěji než 2x do roka.

Před pár lety jsme se dohodly, že pojedeme na wellness. Po dlouhých diskuzích a skupinovém hledání se zarezervoval hotel. Diskuze byly náročné, bylo potřeba vyhovět všem a tekly u toho nervy. Padl i požadavek na propojené pokoje. Smála jsem se tehdy, kdo kdy viděl v hotelu propojené pokoje. Pár měsíců na to jsem jela někde ke Kroměříži a tam jsme fakt dostali 3 propojené pokoje, takže můj výsměch tomu, že nikde nečekají propojené pokoje byl falešný – čekají. Ale o tom to teď není. Bylo rozhodnuto, že záloha budu platit já a rezervace bude na Míšu. Když jsem platila zálohu za pobyt, záhadně mi nešlo zaplatit – selhávalo připojení k internetu, bankovnictví se nenačítalo, nepřicházel potvrzovací kód. Říkala jsem si, že tolik smůly snad ani najednou nejde mít. Ale jde. Pár dní po zaplacení psala Míša, že našla lepší hotel a tak rezervaci zrušila. Pak se docela divila, že hotel nechce vrátit zálohu. Já byla naštvaná a řekla jsem, že chci zálohu zpátky. Míša prohlásila, že se přece podělíme. Jak jako podělíme? Já nic nerušila, ona nic neřekla a teď se podělíme? Wellness naši partu na pár měsíců rozklížilo. Byly jsme rozdělené napůl. O wellnes se nemluví. Dodneška s Lenkou nevíme jak wellness dopadlo a jestli nakonec holky někde jely a nebo se jenom navštívily. Vztahy se ale postupně dostaly do starých kolejí a prostě bylo jedno téma, které se neprobírá. Však je jich jinak dost. Uplynulo několik let. Možná 5.

Situace se opakuje. Loni před Vánoci jsme se měly potkat u Terezy. Tereza má 2 děti a velký dům, kam se pohodlně vejdeme. Dohodl se termín, který všem vyhovoval. Jana, u které jsme s milým před rokem byli na dokonalé týdenní dovolené řekla, že od Terky pojede se mnou a bude pár dní u nás. Bohužel do toho vstoupila besídka Terčina syna a tak se termín, původně se všemi projednaný, jednostranně změnil. Byl to pracovní den ve 2 odpoledne. Pracuju obvykle do 3, cesta k Romči trvá přinejlepším hodinu. V 5 pojede holkám autobus. Mám se fakt takhle štvát 60 km tam a pak zas zpátky, když ony beze zmínky změnily termín na takový, který mi absolutně nesedí? Jana vlivem změny termínu srazu změnila datum, kdy k nám přijede. Přijede možná v pondělí a byla by tu do pátku a nebo přijede ve čtvrtek a byla by tu do neděle. A nebo vlastně by přijela ve čtvrtek, takže bych mohla jít do práce ve čtvrtek na dopoledne a v pátek odpoledne až odjede. Byla jsem ztracená. Netušila jsem, kdy teda Jana přijede a kdy odjede a chtěla jsem po ní datum, kdy tedy dorazí. Datum jsem se nikdy nedozvěděla. Přišlo ale plno jiných návrhů. Lenka, vzdálená ode mě 80 km, v tu dobu s 5 měsíčním miminem má přijet v den, kdy měla vítání občánků – vždyť má auto a říkala, že řídí ráda. Potom uspořádáme party v domě, který jsme právě koupili, nevadí, že se tam bourají zdi a je tam všude stavební prach a bordel. Nastalo peklo, historie se opakovala. Zase jsme s Lenkou byly proti ostatním. Zajímavá byla série pokusů o smír a následných manipulací. V jednu chvíli jsem řekla, že milého kamarádi z jednoho setkání nedělají vědu a prostě si napíšou a kdo jde, ten jde a když nejde, najde se jiné datum a nebo se jde bez něj. Jana řekla: „Dobře, pojďme to udělat jako oni.“ Lenka navrhla, že by se jí hodil některý den. Na to Jana odpověděla: „Není ale schizofrenní domlouvat se na srazu, když jsme rozhádané?“ Hádka začala nanovo. Od této chvíle uběhly asi 3 měsíce. Jsme v přítomnosti.

Vlastně se zase bavíme. Na Janě je vidět snaha bývalý problém zamést pod koberec a nastartovat komunikaci, i kdyby trochu na sílu. Taky to dělám. Míša píše trochu osekaně a vlastně jenom když se na něco zeptám. Terka vůbec, ale to dělá furt. Máme další téma, o kterém se nemluví. Jsou to Vánoce 2018.

Ráda bych si to s holkama vyříkala a vysvětlila jim, jak jsem to myslela ale nějak se neumíme pobavit bez emocí jenom o tom, co kdo proč jak pochopil. Bez zvolání: „Kdybych to věděla, nikdy bych neřekla, ať se sejdeme a jela bych tajně.“ Nejde totiž o to, že se viděly samy v době, kdy se mi to nehodí ale o to, že se vždycky všechno přizpůsobuje ostatním. Proč jsme nejely za Lenkou do Olomouce a proč se nikdo nezeptal, jestli přes týden můžu končit v 1 abych ve 2 dojela k Terce a nebo jestli mi stojí za to jet hodinu kamsi, abych pak za hodinu jela zase zpátky? Proč se mi oznámilo, že bude party v našem vybydleném polorozbořeném domě? Jo, říkala jsem, že bude party, ale až to tam bude obyvatelné – ne hned. Party mezi cihlama, bez elektřiny a kuchyně? Ve 12°C? Proč ženské vždycky dělají komplikace a neřeknou co chtějí a hledají vytáčky místo jasné komunikace? Proč, když se něco domluví se všema, tak se po nějaké změně zas nedomlouvá se všema a udělá se to tak, jak se někomu hodí?

Na to všechno se asi nikdy odpověď nedozvím. Škoda. Prosím, holky, nedělejte vytáčky a mluvte na rovinu. Buďte konzistentní – když se jedné vždycky vychází vstříc jedné, vyjděte vstříc i jiné.

A jak to s naší partou bude dál? Věřím, že se všechno spraví a budeme se zase opravdu kamarádit. Ale co když za dalších 15 let budeme mít 15 témat, o kterých se nemluví? Co když se to přátelství jenom tváří jako pohodové a ve skutečnosti pod povrchem doutnají různé křivdy, které jednou vylezou na povrch tak, že se parta nadobro rozpadne? Jak zajistit, aby se to nestalo?

Mluvit spolu. Mluvit i o zakázaných tématech. Všechno si vyříkat, aby nic nikde nedoutnalo a nehrozil střet. No a taky možná nejezdit na wellness a asi o hádkách s kamarádkami nepsat veřejné blogy…

Mám Vás ráda holky, i přes 2 zakázaná témata!

356 komentářů na „Nevyřešené věci“

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