Proč nemáme rády bývalé ženy?

Bejvalka

Známe to každá. Pokud nám teda není 15. Pokud je nám nad 15, obvykle jsme se už setkaly s nějakou z bývalých žen našeho partnera. Nebo jsme o ní alespoň slyšely. Nebo nám o ní vyprávěli kamarádi nebo dokonce ON sám. Nebo nám ji facebook neustále nutí, protože ji možná známe. Možná. A možná, že ji znát nechceme. Vlastně nám často dost pije krev. Vlastně je nejlepší, když žije alespoň na Antarktidě. Krev nám pije oprávněně. Je totiž blbá, tlustá, hnusná, vlasy schovávala za sedačku a smrdí. Má chlupaté záda. Fakt? Jak se to vlastně stalo, že se náš dokonalý, inteligentní, krásný, způsobný, silný a unikátní muž spustil s takovouhle nechutnou spodinou společnosti? Kam dal oči? A nos! Nebo nedal? Co když ta holka vlastně není zas tak špatná. Co když není blbá, trapná ani nesmrdí? Nemožné!

Obvykle, když se bavím s kamarádkami o bývalých ženách jejich mužů, není to vůči bývalce úplně lichotivý rozhovor. Málokdo jde s bývalkou svého muže na kafe popovídat si jen tak o životě nebo o tom, co ten kluk zase udělal.

„Taky ti nechává na koberci ponožky? No to jsem nesnášela!“

Proč ale tolik nesnášíme bývalky, přestože v naprosté většině případů nejsou žádná konkurence? Rozešli se, mělo to jakýsi důvod a kdo není blbý, nemá potřebu to zkoušet zas, protože to nejspíš skončí stejně jako tehdy. Navíc je teď spokojený. S námi. Je. Jenomže s bývalkou zažil něco co s námi třeba ne. Zná ho tak jako my (nebo třeba ještě líp! Co když ho zná líp?!). Zná jeho rodinu. Ví jak je to s jeho ponožkama, jestli má chlupy na zádech a jaké má trenýrky. Možná mu některé koupila ona! Hrůza.

Bývalka obvykle není reálná konkurence ale konkurence v naší hlavě. Ukázka našeho chybějícího sebevědomí. Ono není moc důvodů, proč by si inteligentní, skvělý muž hledal úplně blbou, škaredou a smradlavou nanynku. Něco na ní vidět musel. A to je další věc, co nám vadí. Že se našemu muži mohl líbit i někdo jiný než my. Když se k tomu, že ONA ho zná lépe nebo stejně jako já, dost toho s ní zažil, všichni ji znají a mají rádi, není blbá a vlastně je pěkná, přidá ještě to, že se doslechnete, že měla hebkou kůži, nastává konec. Jak někoho takového mít rád? Nebo si o něm aspoň nemyslet negativní věci? Jedinou možnost vidím v tom, že se člověk podívá sám na sebe. Ono to totiž není tak, že náš muž někoho měl a my na něj v koutku čekaly.

Taky jsme něčí bývalé. Jsme hnusné, blbé, smrdíme a snažíme se svého ex dostat zpátky? Ne. Kazíme jim vztah? Ne. Jestliže rozchod neproběhl nějak negativně ale 2 lidé se normálně domluvili, partnerovi nový život a partnerku přejeme. Jsme rády, že si našel někoho, s kým je konečně spokojený, že našel co s námi neměl. Zasloužíme si, aby se na nás nová žena našeho bývalého muže dívala přes prsty? No ne! A jak to, že si totéž zaslouží bývalá? Co když se cítí jako my? S mým ex jsme žili v domku spolu s tchýní, s oddělenými byty, přesto neustále nějak spolu. Na zahradě toho člověka nejde přehlédnout a Vy si zrovna chcete číst a ne okopávat záhonek nebo slyšet, jak ho někdo okopává. Vést společenské rozhovory. Chcete mít klid. ticho. A nemáte ho. A tak vzniká averze. Tiše a plíživě. Po pár letech od rozchodu jsem šla kdesi okolo a viděla na zahradě novou ženu, holčičku, svého ex a tchýni jak si spokojeně opékají. Jak byli spokojení. Vždyť je to skvělé. A přesto si možná ta tmavovláska říká co za svini to tam bydlelo před ní. Úplně zbytečně. Vždyť jim to přeju. A možná, že jiné bývalé to zase přejou mi.

Stačí se na stejnou situaci podívat z opačné strany a najednou tu není tolik smradlavých zrůd. Samozřejmě vždycky nějaké jsou. Ne každý přeje, ne každý se rozešel v dobrém a máme tady i pěknou dávku psychopatek, co jiným dělají peklo ze života ale naštěstí takoví nejsou všichni. Speciální sorta jsou pak ti, kteří současnou holku neustále oslovují jménem ex, ale to není problém ex ale těch kamarádů, kteří by si zasloužili vyměnit. Ona si nakonec i třeba Lenka zvykne na oslovení „Adéla“ akorát po ní asi nikdo nemůže chtít, aby Adélu nebo kamarády měla ráda. V každém případě se každému může ulevit, když se do situace nenáviděného člověka promítne a zjistí, že ta nenávist vlastně není vůbec na místě. A jestli tam stejně nějaký důvod je, tak je zbytečná nenávist, protože stejně nic nevyřeší. Ani neuklidní. Jenom se sžíráme uvnitř a škodíme sami sobě.

Jdete na kafe s bývalou? Já ne, je blbá, trapná, má obarvené vlasy a když jsem ji ukázala kamarádce řekla: „Ty brďo, vypadá fakt dobře! Té že je 37?“ S někým takovým se přece nebudu bavit. Je hezčí než já. To nejde. Co když je lepší i v něčem dalším a já si vedle ní budu připadat jak myš? 🙂


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